"This is the new face of Hollywood, believe it or not," Howard Stern told his faithful followers outside the Theater at Madison Square Garden last night. "It's a frightening thought, I must tell you." Frightening or not, Stern validated his self-bestowed King of All Media sobriquet at last night's premiere of his autobiographical film, "Private Parts." Over the course of a twenty-year, topsy-turvy, sometimes controversial career, Stern has now conquered radio, television, publishing and film.
Attending along with thousands of fans were an odd array of quasi-celebrities, including Barry "Greg Brady" Williams, Sherman "George Jefferson" Helmsley, and porn king Ron Jeremy. Stern himself arrived at the "Private Parts Private Party" in a Popemobile, wearing an Armani tux, and joined his radio team -- Robin Quivers, Fred Norris, Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling, Gary "Baba Booey" Dell'Abate and "Stuttering" John Melendez -- on a platform to the left of the stage.
Also on hand were the team's underlings, the notorious "Wack Pack." Crackhead Bob wore a tux and top hat; "Melrose" Larry Green displayed his customized Stern jacket; and a dapper Fred "the Elephant Boy" played host to a Stern retrospective on the big screen.
But the bleacher bums' biggest treat was a set from Porno For Pyros -- really, three-quarters of Jane's Addiction plus Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. On the small stage decorated with flowers, Perry Farrell, Dave Navarro, Flea, Peter DiStefano and Stephen Perkins blasted through "Hard Charger," from the "Private Parts" soundtrack. As they played, three painted women, one of which wore headlights over her breasts, writhed to the Jane's-style tune, which segued into the Jane's classic, "Mountain Song." Wearing his usual black, Navarro made love to an MTV camera, while Flea -- shirtless as always -- jack-hammered in place.
When asked if he was a fan of Stern's show, an emotionless Flea skirted the issue, responding, "I'm a fan of the music." Farrell, though, was indignant about the insinuation that he wasn't a Stern supporter. "What do you think? -- I'm a whore just doing this for the money? I like Howard a lot. I listen to him in the morning when I go surfing."
Though neither performed, shock-rocker Marilyn Manson and bandmate Twiggy Ramirez showed up to pay homage and promote their contribution to the movie soundtrack. Looking more scared of the Stern fans than they of him, Manson said he was a fan of the show but only listened "when I've been up all night doing drugs."
Everyone could have used something to pass the time between Porno's brief set and the main event -- Stern and Rob Zombie singing "The Great American Nightmare." After nearly an hour, Zombie -- caked in zombie make-up and gurgling fake blood -- hit the stage with a visibly nervous Stern, who had admitted on radio earlier in the day that he didn't know the lyrics to the song he recorded only two months before.
Backed by a band dressed in full zombie regalia, Zombie sang both his and Stern's parts, with the King chiming in occasionally with the few words he recalled. After that scorcher, the Zombies methodically destroyed the equipment and with it, the potential for a "special guest" many in the audience expected. Either way, Stern seemed pleased by hi