Despite a couple of highlights – Amy Winehouse’s genuine emotion after winning Record of the Year, Kanye West’s heartfelt tribute to his mother, Brad Paisley’s shred-tastic version of “Ticks” – last night’s Grammy broadcast is looking like a debacle thanks to three and a half laborious, scattershot hours of creepy collaborations with dead people, overlong trombone jams and unnecessary raps from Will.i.am. But there is hope. Here’s a five point plan to save a time-honored institution.
1) Hand Out Fewer Awards: And not only that, but be more selective about what you hand out on the air. The Oscars actually hand out more statues during the course of the show, but each one is way more meaningful because the audience knows exactly what each one means. Last night’s soundtrack award was obviously an excuse to honor the Beatles, while the silly Rap/Sung Collaboration prize was clearly a way to give a nod to “Umbrella.” If you keep down the number of categories and are somewhat consistent about what awards you give out on the air, it’ll all feel less arbitrary.
2) Don’t Overthink the Performances: The best performances of last night – Amy Winehouse, Kanye West, Brad Paisley – all had one thing in common: simplicity. Daft Punk cameos aside, these were moments of the performer doing what got them there. Most people don’t get the opportunity to see live music – why not just show the viewing audience what that looks like, rather than re-arrange Feist’s “1234″ so that it’s an unrecognizable gypsy-jazz disaster or force Rihanna to slow down “Umbrella” while she fights the Time?
3) Don’t Worry About Being Everything to Everyone: Inclusiveness is great, but if you crowbar in every single musical genre into the show it becomes an endless parade of pandering. Overlong gospel tributes and snoozy renditions of “Rhapsody in Blue,” we’re speaking to you.
4) Reform the Voting Body: NARAS has to say the things that nobody wants to say, and that’s that some people are not fit for Grammy voting. It may take membership limits, but there clearly needs to be an influx of youth. Alternately, limit the voting to each voter’s specialty.
5) Never Invite Cirque Du Soleil: Or anybody who doesn’t appeal to real music fans. Record sales may be down, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t still go ape for their favorite bands, singers and songwriters. Don’t be afraid to point the cameras at them.